


Watch the Queen Conquer

by BlizzardRose



Category: Bill Skarsgard - Fandom, IT (2017), IT (2017) RPF, IT - Stephen King
Genre: 2016 AU, 27 years later, Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Badass Pennywise, Can we please give Stellan Skarsgard an award for making attractive sons, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Clara Bow reference, Clara is strong and independent and don't need no clown/man, Clara's like a realistic and better Bella Swan sorta, Clown Pennywise appears sometimes, Deadlights (IT), Derry is Terrible, F/M, Good Pennywise (IT), Growing Up, Human Pennywise (IT), Human Pennywise is basically Roman Godfrey, I Ship It, New York City, Pennywise (IT) in Love, Pennywise is like a dark P.T. Barnum, Pennywise looks like Bill Skarsgard, Possessive Pennywise (IT), Sassy, Soulmates, Stockholm, Sweet, The Losers were all killed that summer, because that man is a Norse god amirite, i have no idea where this is going honestly, just for fun, pay attention to details people, title taken from "Monster" by Kanye West
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-06-07 11:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 21,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlizzardRose/pseuds/BlizzardRose
Summary: Clara Stellan was 3 in 1989 when the Losers were all killed by Pennywise. A chance meeting on a rainy October night seals her fate unbeknownst to her and after 27 years Clara's first childhood friend, none other than a dancing clown, awakens from a final slumber with intentions to make his 'Claire Bear' his Queen and break the curse that condemns him to slumber and awaken.





	1. Pen?

**Author's Note:**

> Interestingly, I'm really not in the IT fandom HOWEVER I do love me some Bill Skarsgard so after hearing a friend of mine watched IT this idea popped into my head and I thought it'd be fun to do. That said, feel free to help me out as this thing develops as I have no intended direction for this fic so suggestions would be so great! And I love kudos too! Let's see how this goes...

Chapter 1- October 30, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

Derry’s annual Halloween party wasn’t much, honestly.

I had come in from New York yesterday and somehow I was attending this party with my parents. Dressed as a flapper I wondered why I was even here considering my parents were not really the party type but they insisted we go as something to do on the eve of Halloween. As a child, I’d liked Halloween in Derry but the stories of the children who disappeared mysteriously every 27 years that went around school definitely had creeped me out.

I sipped on my Cosmo as I looked around at the other partygoers that I had grown up with that seemed all into themselves and what they were talking about, not noticing I had returned for the first time in nearly ten years after moving to New York in desperate need to escape the small town U.S.A. cliche of my childhood, in need of a polar opposite vibe. Looking down at my phone I was trying to figure out a caption for the picture I was about to post of me and my mom (who came dressed as a witch) when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned.

“Clara.”

It was like I was being thrown back to the image of being three again on that rainy night. Those blue eyes and the pale white face and flaming hair. At three I hadn’t known much of fear so I wasn’t troubled as it seemed he wanted me to be. But now, at 30 it was like that was a distant early memory was right there again, the feelings easily accessible. But now it was different; he stood in front of me looking almost like a Victorian-era Swedish prince. High white collar contrasted well with the dark hair that had hints of the red I remembered if the lights struck him right. The high cheekbones were purely a mark of the human form I hadn’t met 27 years ago, possibly a detail I obviously wouldn’t notice at three years old scared and lost. 

“Pen?” I asked, not believing it. I thought he… None of this made sense. But the bright blue eyes brought me that same sense of security I had craved lost from my parents at such a young age in the pouring rain, my little pink coat drenched and had clung to me. 

“You remember. It’s been a long time,” he said, “Last time I saw you, you were so little.”

“Little enough for you to hunt me,” I said what he didn’t. But that made him laugh: easily, not maniacally like the stories I’d grown up with. But as I went back into my memories to remember if he’d laughed last time I’d seen him I couldn’t bring forth the memory of a laugh that sounded like the stories of the terrorizing clown of the late 80’s years before I knew what fear felt like. 

“And now, Pennywise isn’t the form you’ll respond to,” he said, raising his hand to touch my face. I was expecting something cold like I could remember if I tried. But I was surprised by the warmth of his hand. I looked around and laid eyes on my parents who were socializing assuming I was lost in my own conversation. “You’ll respond to this,” he took my hands in his and I just stood unsure of what he was planning on but just like I was three I strangely trusted him. He hugged me and we were so close it looked like we were dancing. His one hand holding on to me was soft and I tried to keep a straight face as if expecting the split second shift the stories of him often included.

“How long have you been awake?” I wondered, thinking back to the stories passed around and the variations of them.

“Yesterday. Your plane’s arrival awoke me.”

“Isn’t something violent happening supposed to wake you?” I asked as I followed his steps as we managed to slow dance to Soulja Boy’s “Kiss Me Thru The Phone” bridging the gap between who I had been in 1989 and who I was now at this Halloween party dancing with an entity I’d last known in a very different form, both innocent in looks we’d been but his nature not known to me and my childhood naivete clearly appealing to him had he been able to induce the fear he fed on. But now looking like a Norse god I felt that childlike trust I’d had in him solidify but shift in a way I couldn’t name.

“In most cases. But I have returned for you, Clara,” that unexpectedly warm hand lifted to touch my hair that was short enough for the flapper part. “You’ve changed.”

“As have you,” I replied. It was true.

“But you did not dance with Pennywise when you were smaller,” he said dipping me so I stared into the only part of him familiar to me in this form. “I have returned to make you mine like I said I would but you, oh so innocent then, had no idea what that meant,” he brought me back up as if to illustrate the foot of height difference between us. 

“So you expect me to drop my life in New York for you?” I challenged him, never fearing him and bringing me a slight superiority in the face of the weakness he had. But I’d never known him to be weak in the face of my courage but rather energized by it in a different way than the energy of fear. “I can’t do that. I’m not three. I have a column to run,” Writing for the Times it had taken me years to get where I was now with the autonomy to write anything I wanted twice a week with topics now ranging from the new Panic! At The Disco album to a recipe I’d tried to make that others might like. “I can’t Pen.”

“Stockholm doesn’t interest you?” What the hell was he talking about? Sweden? What was in Sweden that interested him? Almost like he could read my mind he said simply, “We both need not return here. This is no place for us,” I was going to ask if he’d eaten the town’s 3 to 12-year-old demographic dry yet but the joke seemed lame since obviously children were born every day, keeping him in supply as it were.

“It does,” I said, “But I can’t, Pen.” Looking over my shoulder it was like my parents hadn’t moved away from talking to their friends (neighbors I’d never met maybe). I anticipated his next move, my brown eyes locked on the blue like the dominant genetics of the brown would assert my older self’s willingness to switch the role of dominance in our resurrected dynamic. 

“You have always perplexed me,” he said stopping our movement but it felt like time itself had stopped and the room around us contained statues of the others here rather than living individuals who had no knowledge of what was being said. That realization brought fear to me. “No fear,” he said moving his hand like an illusionist of the school of Criss Angel might, placing the warm fingers on my forehead like he could reach into my amygdala and wipe the very adult fear away like some magic. “You were meant to be my queen.”


	2. Thirty, Not Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, let's switch things up a bit and hear from human Pen (or Bill Skarsgard take your pick haha). Love that this story has gotten lots of support already it makes me happy. Keep it up and let me know how this is since as previously stated I'm an IT novice here!

Chapter 2- October 30, 2016  
Pennywise

Clara was not an ordinary human. She had never been, not even a young one.

But to look at her now as a woman the girl within was almost lost to my mind, replacing her with the dark-haired being with a soul the color of my hair, a burning one. But she, like humans were, was vulnerable to my power of suggestion. Fear looked almost unlike her so at its manifestation just displayed I found myself feeling strange. I! Who fed on fear! I had silenced my enticer for it had no place in her. “I remembered you, you know.”

“I do. Did you ever wonder why? This hellhole is destined to forget every time I resurface but your remembering marks you as better than anyone in this town.”

“Enlighten me,” she said, those brown eyes holding me hostage. 

“You’ve known your fate,” I said, “Since I last saw you. You couldn’t forget it”

“Yeah,” she couldn’t deny it but it almost sounded like she almost wanted to embrace the idea but her damned adulthood pushed her away from me: the obligations of a human life present in her like the innocence of the girl who thought she innocently loved the clown form of me which should have repulsed us both but the years proved the feelings real. Thinking of that form she had loved as much as I had loved the sweet fear it inflicted on all but her and shifting my thoughts to who she was in front of me at this moment it amused me. A Norse god she’d thought. 

“Even so young you understood I would come back in time when you were ripe to be mine Clara,” I said lifting my hand slightly, she swept off her feet, bringing her up to me. “A Norse god I heard you say.”

She laughed but the laughed turned serious when she said, “Stay out of my head, Pen.” But looking at her I knew she knew I’d heard it.

“Oh but it’s so hard to,” I said giving her a smile, “If I stay out of your head how will I manage to keep you oh so intrigued?” She rolled her eyes and I set her down as the song shifted. Clara knew the song and she smiled in recognition. 

“Where the hell would we live in Sweden?” she asked. She’d never been to Sweden but the pictures had seen showcased the different kind of beauty the Scandinavian countries I could understand this by reaching into her mind. The difference between a human three and a human thirty burned in her soul: bright orange fire evolving to red.

“That’s for me to know and you to uncover, Claire Bear,” I said wondering if the nickname would stir the memories in her just as it did in me. Awaking last night I could almost reach out and track her if I’d been better fed. I had yet to see her like this so the image I’d clung to was the pink coat and pigtails. She had evolved to be unfazed by the clown of her childhood so I would adapt from fear to what attracted her.

“Well I know I’m going to get another before we talk about this further.”

“But wouldn’t skipping this party with Pennywise the Dancing Clown be much more fun, Claire Bear?” I held out my hand to her. She rolled her eyes, her sass had developed beautifully. Her hand in mine made me want her so completely.

“Don’t you mean Pen the Norse god?” she corrected.

“Thirty,” I said bopping her nose gently like when it used to make her laugh, “But three in there somewhere deep, Clara.”

I had not even considered her parents being here but Clara was not needing them anymore like she did when she was small enough for her to look so frail in my arms. Now walking out of the clubhouse with her hand in mine I found myself staring the residents of Derry down as if to remind them who's puppets they were but encouraged them to stare at their queen. 

On the night before the greatest night of the year, it was raining like it was that night all those years ago. But neither Clara nor I were fazed as she walked through the rain with me: not a deluge but still quite a considerable amount of rain to get her red dress wet. Her hand in mine subtly and frequently squeezed. “This is the form that I’ll stay in,” I said, turning her to face me in the rain. I had never even considered kissing a human in my existence but in the rain, it was the most desperate want. 

So that was what I did.

I wasn’t quite sure what kind of response the response I was expecting but Clara’s surprises at thirty eclipsed her surprising laughs and hugs that were full of innocence. These years had made her into a passionate human woman, her hands lowering me to her. I could almost feel a long-buried affection rise to the surface in her like a balloon. Her arms wrapped around me, she had to stand on her tiptoes to even get to my shoulders in this form. Yes, the passion of thirty was much sweeter than the innocent affection of three. 

“Pen.”

“You really have changed,” I said letting the natural water soak us, “And have become so physically beautiful and mentally powerful.” Her fingers reached to my cheek and traced the bone hidden by the flesh like hers. Unbelievable she thought and I smiled hearing her voice in my head. “And since you are now thirty and not three I assume balloons have left your liking long ago,” I smiled, knowing the memories of her holding a red balloon still were there. 

“I replaced them with different wines,” she replied, “Red ones.”

“And now that my Claire Bear is old enough to take care of herself she can come with Pennywise to a hotel,” I said as we walked on in the rain. “And hopefully she will agree to come to Sweden.”

“But it’s only going to be like for two years,” she said thinking back to perhaps what she’d been told of me that her memories failed her. “They say you’re only active for about two years.”

“But you know what they do not. You know you are mine.” Her thirty-year-old mind was sharp, analytical, an enigma that solved puzzles much more complex than those a child could. Clara nodded but her eyes didn’t meet mine.

“So when you claim me you’ll remain here,” it sounded like she was chiding herself for not piecing this together. Her high shoes clicked even on the wet streets as I led us to the only hotel in this town. It was a small place befitting of a town not many had heard of, looking like there hadn’t been renovations for some years. We must’ve looked like quite the human picture dripping with rainwater as we entered the surprisingly bright room. 

“A room,” I said, “And a bottle of good wine. Red.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww a first kiss!


	3. Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I can't believe how much support this story already has after two days, seriously! If you're enjoying it, why not let me know in the comments? I also love kudos so don't be shy to drop that by! Any feedback helps!

Chapter 3- October 30, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

Getting to the room they let us occupy I went to grab a towel to wrap around my shoulders. The two of us were still thoroughly soaked and the rain outside had turned stormy in minutes, the lightning lighting up the town and licking at the window as the thunder roared. Retrieving my desired towel I looked at my phone: not a missed call from Mom or Dad but that wasn’t surprising. Derry was small so how far could I have gone theoretically? And I was catching up with an old friend of sorts so it wasn’t implausible I’d slip away from the party. I hadn’t seen any of my Derry friends in years and that could be due to all our credit for doing the smart thing and once college came getting the hell out of Maine.

With a friend, I thought to text my mother All good! I set my phone aside even as notifications came in and likely an email or two from Allina, the one in charge of all the independent columns like mine. Allie as I called her was really chill and very much had the big city personality type: extraverted and full of ideas as big as the city itself. “Allina hasn’t contacted you,” God damn it Pen. “Although I can tell you she immensely enjoyed your last piece. On Halloween, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I said, “But there’s this cool thing that happens when you stay out of my head, Pen. It involves me telling you things,” I smirked, “Humans love it.” I walked over to the open bottle of wine and poured some into the Styrofoam cup to the left of it. 

“You are more sophisticated now,” he said with a smirk, “My Claire Bear has left childhood.” I took a sip as he strode over to me, imposing even in human form the height and lankiness would unsettle anyone who didn’t know him as closely as I felt like I did even after these years. “My power over you,” he said, “Is rescinding. With humans other than you it’s stronger each awakening. But this, my sweet Daae, is meant to be. Us as equals.” The subtle use of the Swedish last name of the heroine of Phantom of the Opera sent the warmest chills I’d ever felt all through me. “Have you missed me, good mademoiselle?” 

“More than you know,” I said, “Although this is much better than when I was three.”

“Then return to me,” he said taking a sip of his wine, mirroring me, “The years have written your destiny. Float with me above this world,” his finger flicked and my feet fell from beneath me to lift me inches in the air, the towel succumbing to gravity as I rose above the laws prescribed for me to follow. But the wine cup was still secure in my hand. 

“Okay, okay,” I said laughing, “Put me down, Pen.”

He did.

But I walked over to him and put my arms around him, my wet clothes soaking him further. He picked me up and I didn’t fight him. “Humans get cold,” he said mostly to himself but here I was trusting him absolutely like I was three again and he was carrying me, lost and scared. 

“God, I missed you, Pen. Really.”

“My queen, my Daae,” he said, a flick of his hand disregarding the things that hid me from him. In retaliation I found myself disregarding his shirt as if to prove to me his form was this Scandinavian god. “Yes,” he said, “look at Pennywise, feel me my Daae. The Swedes are meant to be ruled by you, a foolish monarchy but placeholders,” I think I blushed. His hand came to my neck, gently and respectfully, “The most beautiful thing Pennywise has seen,” he was talking about me. Holy shit. “Beautiful. A Norse god you request, so you get.” Those high cheeks formed a smile as he kissed my throat, I was still naked in his arms but he not making note of that. “How did my little Claire Bear become this woman so beautiful?”

“Years,” I said laughing. In his grasp, I should’ve felt self-conscious in some way but there was nothing, just security. It was like I was young again, and I haven't memorized my address but he’d found me offering me comfort and balloons but asking where my parents were. “Pen.”

“It has been so long since I’ve held you like this,” he said almost dancing with me, his movements so slow but with a hint of the gentleness of the Pen I’d known as I’d been so young. “Beautiful Claire Bear, moved on from Pennywise the Dancing Clown onto this Nordic gods but my sweet Daae will have as her mind wants me,” he kissed me and I kissed him back, my hands weaving through the very human hair. His living heart beat against mine, the security of it like a blanket. “Will you come to Stockholm?”

“Of course, Pen.” What else could I say?

“Most beautiful thing,” he said as lips crashed on mine so beautifully but with a gentle force, emanating need he’d never known. Out of nowhere a towel wrapped around me. A turned down bed was inviting and Pen and I were in it, his shirt disregarded as if to offer to help keep me warm himself. “Go to sleep, Claire Bear.” It was just like I was three. 

So I obeyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I've started watching Hemlock Grove on Netflix and so this human Pen might end up crossing over with Bill Skarsgard's character from that show so we'll see how this develops...


	4. First Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought to post another chapter for you guys since I'm kind of on a roll here! Enjoy and remember to give feedback if you can!

Chapter 4- October 31, 2016  
Pennywise

My little (not so now I suppose) Claire Bear forgot this was my form, didn’t she? Asleep as she was sometimes her almost divine fingers traced my arms that held her. Humans were quite the funny species weren’t they, getting cold and what not? With blankets around Clara she stopped shivering but perhaps the shivering was from that wet dress on the bathroom floor.

Through the night I must have done the same: the woman sometimes replaced by the girl in the pink coat and simple affections for the clown. Those thirty-six pounds I’d held so carefully as the rain poured and her fearlessness should have made me weak were nowhere near who she was now but the evolution of her was a masterful one. Claire Bear at three and Clara at thirty was the second wonder of what 27 years could do. 

All Hallows Eve was of course quite the day to be awake as the food supply seemed endless, dressed in costumes to try to be someone or something else, the fear running through them like electricity. At her third Halloween, I could have imagined Maya Stellan dressing her daughter as a princess or some kind of fairy but Clara at thirty deserved the role of Scandinavian queen for not just one night. As the sun came through the window it almost felt like I was away from the hellhole that was Derry.

When her eyes opened they looked up at me, the dominant brown challenging but ever so entrancing. “So what now?” she asked. I laughed, she actually thought I had come to feed on her if for a moment like the past years were some ruse I thought. I bopped her nose like she used to love, the clown underneath the mask of quasi-humanity. That gave me the smile that had not changed.

“Now, my little Claire Bear, you become my queen. Mine. My sweet Daae.” I thought about last night and my human form’s lips on hers. I did that and she seemed to enjoy it, her touch bringing me to the level of her head since I stood quite taller than she did. I almost understood why humans were so enthralled by this: coming alive in ways I did in the fears of children. I could have floated her up to me but I wanted that feeling of this woman in my grasp. Taking her in my arms she felt the exact same 27 years after last holding her but not at all at the same time. “Thirty,” I repeated her words, “Not three. Stunning, not just quite cute.” I put my lips to hers again.

“I missed you, Pen,” she said, “Really. You were my first friend.”

October 1989

I knew it was about time to rest.

With those Losers as they called themselves floating lowly in the sewer, I considered possibly going into my sweet rest with the sounds of a downpour coming through the sewers little chute. I was not expecting little eyes to look here, meeting mine. The little girl had a pink coat on that was soaked with rain that didn’t much protect her little pigtails. “Hello?” the voice was sweet, unassuming anything was off about me. Clara Stellan was braver than even Georgie Denbrough even being three years younger than he.

“Clara?” She smiled at the sound of her name, those little brown eyes looking into mine without childish fear but need for help. 

“I’m Clara,” she replied, recognizing her name, “I’m lost.”

“From your parents?”

“Yeah,” still there was not a hint of fear I could detect in her but sadness and something that felt like guilt for getting herself lost. Her eyes scanned the sewer, “Why you there?”

“So I can hide from the rain,” I didn’t know why I was helping her in the first place or even being honest with her, I certainly had more important things to do with my time but those eyes almost had power over me. “I’m Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Now we aren’t strangers and I can help you!” What the hell was I DOING?

October 31, 2016

“Where have you been all this time, Claire Bear, my sweet Daae?” She was unafraid even on this day, my day. “You could have slept well with Pennywise your dearest and first friend.”

“I had to grow up,” god damn she was mature but the ideas of a first friend still struck a chord. Her weight in my arms was like nothing as she floated securely, “I had to start my own life away from Derry so I did. I went to NYU and got a public relations degree and yet here I am back home for the first time in a decade.”

“This place is beneath you, my sweet soon-to-be Scandinavian Daae,” I said liking the human's concept of lips on lips very much. “Lips can go on necks too,” I almost sounded like I was teaching myself how to make my human - mine! - know me in a way a 30-year-old woman could. Little Claire Bear had her fun with balloons and nose bops from the clown but the woman deserved the same feelings from one of her species. Her thoughts helped me keep form because the image of a Scandinavian looking man her age was how she saw me. It was who I was to her.

“Pen.” She called for me, her hand grabbing onto my shoulder as I did away with the cloth on me, close to where I held her.

“Feel, Claire Bear,” even at 30 that was a name I could not let her outgrow: a name of mutual compassion and courage that strengthened our fates, bound us closer. She took my initiative and did so, her fingers warm to the touch and so soft. I could tell her amazement was genuine as the sun shining on us through the window. “Feel Pennywise.”

“You’re gorgeous, Pen.”


	5. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next installment! So amazed this has already reached 130 hits! Thank you, thank you! Keep it up and drop by a kudo or comment to let me know you're enjoying!

Chapter 5- October 31, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

We left the hotel after I took a shower (by myself obviously). I put on my damp party dress not really giving a shit but it was the only thing I had. “What can a human’s temperature not drop below?” I laughed at the innocence of the human Pen but smiled at his concern. Almost like a child himself, he was in thinking a damp dress could make me freeze to death.

“It’s fine, Pen,” I said as he buttoned his own shirt the blue eyes staring into my soul. Grabbing my purse I led him to the door of the room since we did have to go eventually. People went missing in Derry as we all well knew by now. As we made our way through the sleepy streets the sun continued shining. When we reached the brown house with the old mailbox that still read ‘Stellan’ on it I turned, “Stay here for a minute. I’m going to go talk to my parents and change.”

Opening the door and walking in I found my mom in the kitchen drinking coffee. Her blonde hair was up in a bun and she was still dressed for bed, “Hey hon,” she said, “There’s coffee if you want.”

“Hey. How long did you guys stay at the party last night?”

“We got caught up talking to the Murrays and didn’t get back until late. How was catching up with your friends? See I told you it’d be good for you to come to Boo Bash. Which one of your friends were you caught up talking to?”

“Sophie,” I said throwing out my first high school friend to come to mind. I had seen Sophie Klein at the party and we had talked a little before she’d gone to talk to one of her husband’s friends. Sophie had never left Derry and I felt bad for her because she didn’t know more than cursed small town USA. “She’s doing great. She and Charlie are expecting a baby in January.”

“Oh, that’s so exciting for her.”

“Yeah, they’re really excited. Hey, so I’m going to go change and I’ll be back.” I climbed the stairs to my still painted purple room. The black and white bedspread contrasted against the walls and the old pictures of friends decorating them. My iHome that I’d bought for my iPod nano all those years ago was still on my nightstand. Smiling I set my phone up to play “What Do You Mean” by Justin Bieber (the kid was talented, I can’t deny it). In my closet I found a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt that Mom had hung up, unpacking my suitcase in hopes I’d stay. 

“You humans are more resilient than I realized,” I turned and he was standing in front of me, a master at the jump scare tactic even if it wasn’t his intent. My hand went to my heart on reflex and he smirked but then softened into a natural smile.

“Shit Pen,” I breathed, “Jump scares kill me.”

“Your mother doesn’t notice much does she?” he said, “I walked in seconds behind you and she did not know. But to be fair, what human can see wind?” Of course, he would’ve never been unnoticed walking through the door in that form so choosing something the human eye couldn’t see was clever. 

“She means well,” I replied knowing he was right but not wanting to say it myself. His fingers reach down to touch my cheek, warmly. 

“Maya,” he said my mother’s name with a chuckle, “Thank god you didn’t turn out as oblivious as adults in Derry seem to be. Must be the city life, Claire Bear.” I looked at the clothes in my hands still. His eyes wandered there too, “My not-so-little human must not freeze.to death,” he waved a hand for me to proceed. A kiss on my lips and he was gone, now sitting on my bed like he was posed there. 

I took my clothes and walked to the bathroom down the hall to change. The familiarity of clothes from the city made me feel a strange sense of comfort. Throwing my hair in a high ponytail I left the bathroom to my room again to see if Pen was there, half expecting him to be standing behind the door just to fuck with me. But he wasn’t behind the door at all but still where he’d placed himself. A true smile lit him up like the sensation of fear might. I came to sit on my childhood bed and his levitation powers sent me swiftly through the air.

“Yes this form pleases you,” he said, a gentle kiss placed on my throat’s skin, “My Daae, all for Pennywise. And Pennywise for Claire Bear.” The sapphire eyes didn’t leave mine as another kiss was placed on my throat. “Beautiful Claire Bear,” he said as my hand reached to grip his shoulder, “You humans are so funny, this makes you respond.”

“Pen.”

“You sound so beautiful for Pennywise,” he said but his lips didn’t meet my throat again. I also understood him well enough to know there was no double entendre with the words; it wasn’t like he was getting high off fear and wanted to exploit this but it was meant in some way a cliche erotica writer might appreciate. “Clara,” his hand took my chin in it, our eyes locked and his lips in that genuine smile. His voice had turned hypnotic like a magician’s, “Sleep.” I could’ve believed right then that he actually performed at a circus.


	6. Welcome to New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh 150 hits already! So pleased y'all like this as much as I do. Major thanks to the comment I got on the last chapter and those who left kudos, you're the best. Glad you're liking Clara's character!

Chapter 6- October 31, 2016  
Pennywise

By God this woman's existence lets me leave that shithole.

Clara’s parents were too oblivious to even know their daughter who yes was thirty, not three as I was reminded, was not home and her things gone. Driving south in a black Audi convertible I had taken from the country club (some in Derry were wealthy, strange) with Clara almost comatose as the humans might say the wind slightly blew through my human hair, eyes behind sunglasses on the road.

Crossing the lines of Clara’s adult domain I knew that from looking into Clara’s mind the apartment’s location. Waking her as the car stopped, getting her to stand with my hands supporting her. “Home,” she said as she woke, her sense of location must be better than other humans. Her eyes focused on me, we stood close enough to waltz in the garage where the cars were the only ones watching us. The lights caught the watch on my right wrist, “Pen?” I took one of her hands and touched it to my face, moving my other hand to support her back. “When did we get here?”

“Just now,” I replied, taking her suitcase from the back of the car. Still, no one was around even early in the evening but soon the young ones would be out and so would I, my costume always the most effective. “Derry doesn’t suit either of us, Claire Bear, does it?” I bopped her cream-colored nose and did the human thing with her lips that I had to say humans were right to like. “You come alive for Pennywise.”

“So you’ve told me.”

Getting to her apartment on the third floor she unlocked the door to let us in. Of course, the small places were perfect for one single person but she wouldn’t be living like this much longer. In spite of the darkness of this so-called holiday, her windows radiated the brightness she lived in that I poisoned. Taking off my jacket I laid it on the couch. “It’s not much, the tour takes literally five seconds,” she said watching me.

It suits you,” I said, “Very Bohemian. Now, I’ll be going out soon but be back, so why don’t you just go about a normal routine?” I didn’t have to elaborate. 

“Just don’t be an idiot,” my god even if she didn’t condone who I was she didn’t run. She never had, “This is New York, not Derry.”

“And thank whatever creator you believe in for it.” I invited her to sit and she did, my arm timidly almost going around her shoulders. I had never in my long life thought this would be a scenario for me: having stolen away an adult human who didn’t fear me, outside Derry, and god damn the universe I had LOVED this human. My human. Claire Bear. My lips very much liked her little neck and I wanted her to be open with me to share herself in a human way I knew but it would be very different from simple seductions.

That would be tonight, should she think it too.

Of course now being with her after a hibernation of the relationship we had I found myself excited by mere human prospects but I suppose being in this form left me vulnerable to human feelings which were a weakness or so I had assumed. “After I return, we can have a human dinner. To celebrate our freedom,” I said.

“Do you even eat normally?”

“Do I? No. Could I? Hypothetically yes since I seek to imitate the form I assume,” I explained but how could she ever truly comprehend my species so different from hers?

“Then let’s do that,” she declared, her resolve superior to any I’d ever had. Putting my coat around her shoulders I rose from the couch, the sun still displaying the time before everything became my domain. “You’ll be back at…”

“Seven, let’s say.”

“Perfect. Go, and don’t be an idiot.” She waved me out like I was free to come and go as I pleased while she lived her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I might upload the next chapter since I have it written. It’s a big one! Lemme know if I should upload it later today with a comment!


	7. Human Reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG CHAPTER AHEAD!!!
> 
> I just couldn't resist since so much happens here so I hope you enjoy! Drop by a kudo or comment if you can!

Chapter 7- October 31, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

Thirty, not three.

The vodka I just took a shot of burned my throat as it went down, so bittersweet. We had returned from a nicely human dinner at an upscale place that had been fantastic and child-free as they were either counting their Hersheys kisses or in bed. I had changed clothes and had my latest Netflix binge Hemlock Grove on pause still from before dinner. Sophie had texted me that picture of us from last night and I’d meant to reply but hadn’t gotten to it yet for obvious reasons. 

“The finest night of the year,” Pen said, “And my Claire Bear wants to spend it with ol’ Pennywise.” A neck kiss, “And Pennywise certainly wants to make Claire Bear happy.” He had thrown his cotton shirt aside and I hate to be cliche but holy god someone needed to give him some sort of award for the most striking human who wasn’t human. “Beautiful, Clara,” he leaned in and kissed me warm lips on warm lips.

My arms wrapped around his neck and he picked me up, the vodka in my blood sending an extra edge to the fire. “Pen,” I breathed. He smiled and put me back on my feet to make our height difference obvious. He was imposing, but I never once thought to fear him. My fears in these years had become much more aligned with aging out of childhood and into adult life. His hands took mine to put them on his very human chest now, so real that you wouldn’t have guessed he was the furthest thing from human and could appear as whatever you feared. But with me, he knew what I desired and it was him. Like this. 

“Clara need not hide from Pennywise,” he said, lifting my large shirt over my head my eyes fixed on his as he made his first foray (to my knowledge) into this familiar thing, for me at least. Those hands so warm were now on me, all-consuming and I wondered if he saw the child or the woman. “I knew this day would be one I’d live the day I met you but those feelings were never realized fully until now.” 

 

October 31, 1989

He expanded the sewer drain width and made sure to float me softly down. “There,” he told me, “Now you’re safe from the rain like Pennywise!” He gave me nose a little bop and that made me laugh. I looked around the sewers, not scared but more curious as I’d never been to one. I could see in the distance things floating but they looked like me but maybe a little bigger some of them. ”That’s not for you,” he said.

“Oh. Thank you for help, Mr. Pennywise. I’ve never met a clown but you are a very nice one,” I said, “Let’s be friends even after I find Mommy and Daddy. Do you have clown friends?” I hoped so and maybe he could show them to me. I knew all about the circus and how lots of clowns lived there and did funny stuff.

“Not many,” he replied as he waded us further away from the drain and the floaters almost so I couldn’t see them anymore. I wondered why they floated like that. Maybe clowns could make things float? “Claire Bear?”

“Yes, Mr. Penny?”

“You’re welcome for helping you. And I would like very much to still be friends.” Aww yay! I loved having a friend like him especially because I’d never had a friend help me find Mommy and Daddy before so this was exciting. 

“We are friends forever, Mr. Penny. Promise?”

 

October 31, 2016

Pen sat me on the counter of my small kitchen. The lights of New York shone brightly to counter the darkness of Halloween night. But they also illuminated his face and placed emphasis on the high and defined cheekbones he had as well as the skin of my body which was now entirely visible to him. “Trust Pennywise,” he said softly, “I can see you do.”

“Of course,” I breathed as he kissed my lips gently, nowhere near the demeanor I was expecting in this sort of situation but maybe it was just because it was me. If he had seduced any other women in Derry for whatever reason I’d bet my livelihood the animalistic side of him could emerge in a split second. I took a sip of the vodka cranberry I’d made before shooting the vodka straight. “Because I love you, Pen,” I hadn’t intended to say it now but I did. I wondered how he’d take it because with those words never being spoken to or about him the situation was unpredictable, “I always have I think, in some way.”

My eyes looked up into the blue ones, the lights of the city and the words spoken lighting them up brighter than possibly the moon itself. I could feel my blood course through me and my heart in my ears as he kissed my shoulder, lips still gentle. “You love Pennywise?”

“Yes.”

“Clara,” that had possibly shifted how he saw me in his head: no longer the little girl who’d gotten lost from her parents in the rain. My feet rested on his shoulders he sitting in one of the chairs from the table I had in the kitchen. The kisses on my inner thigh tasted like cotton candy and were gentle as though he definitely knew or understood the sensitive nature there. I bit my lip already. “Don’t worry,” he was in my head again, “You’ll always be taken care of with Pennywise, Clara.” Another kiss sent me into a moan, “I understand how this works.”

His fingers of one hand rested on my stomach, not pinning me in place but still to keep me still like his lips had the power to send me falling off the counter. “Pen,” I called out for him unable to stop it. When his lips had their way with me I felt his tongue lick around me, outside first. Looking at him he still looked like the Norse god, if this was bringing him as much pleasure as it was me I’d expected him to change forms: a reaction involuntary like my cries. 

“You don’t deserve a clown to take you like this, Claire Bear,” he said, his head lifting to meet the city lights, “Fear is the easiest emotion to exploit in children but a 30-year-old Claire Bear’s fantasies are radiating louder than any child’s fear, so those are the rules I’ll abide by.”


	8. First Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday the 13th!
> 
> Also, so much love goes out to all y'all hitting on this story and bookmarking/giving a kudos. I'm simply amazed at the response. Here's the big chapter!

Chapter 8- October 31, 2016  
Pennywise

Clara had almost fallen from the counter as my human lips devoured her, tastier than any fear even tastier than victory over those Losers. I decided to carry her to her familiar room her heart beating hard I could feel. “Pennywise’s Claire Bear is indeed a woman,” I said opening the door of her little room, the bed just perfect for her to lie on as I obeyed anything she wanted, “Waiting millions of years and then a simple 27 more must be worth it. Clara loves Pennywise.” I set her down and to keep her on her toes I shifted into my clown form. Not for long, just for one kiss. To reconcile three and 30. 

Still, no fear. I didn’t assume most adults had simple fears from their childhood but Clara looked at me and smiled, “We meet again.” Her lips so full and soft I kissed them, biting gently but my sharper teeth drawing blood. That was enough.

Back to her desired form of mine, I took her on my lap. Her arms locked around me, with trust knowing her flesh would only be kissed by my lips. Her eyes looked into mine as I placed her hands on my chest after one ran through my hair, loving her feeling me. “I love you, Pen.”

“You are mine, my Daae. You have shown Pennywise love when no one else thought of it,” I kissed her shoulder as she oozed for me in a way I had seen women do but never for me. My affairs as few as they’d been in Derry never got this far with the woman surviving. Her little liquid was sweet at the scent as any human excretion could be I’d suppose. “All for Pennywise.”

Clara was actually a small thing in other ways, very small so I had to maneuver to be inside, my hands as well as what made us compatible. Searching her mind wasn’t even needed because she spoke, “Careful Pen.” At that moment I pulled back slightly.

“Careful,” I repeated, a kiss on her lips, “Such a little thing. Has anyone hurt you doing this?” I was in anticipation for her response, plotting already if it was affirmative. But there was nothing in her mind as she shook her head. Not even fear I would hurt her even though I had never done this to her. Slowly we merged, with me shallow at first but I could feel I hadn’t much room in her. There were no past scars in her only present soothing of this very human need. Her hands went to my hair and I kissed her. “So small, Clara.”

“Sorry, Pen.”

“Does it hurt you?” I had no idea the actual feeling on her end, her mind could give me insight but that wasn’t quite the same.

“No. I’d tell you, Pen.”

It was the most intimate moment I had ever lived, with my body as human as hers and inhabiting it with her, moving slowly in and out while she called out my name it was almost the most beautiful thing I had seen. She floated high here, confidence and primalism taking her above and beyond. “Beautiful,” I complimented, tracing my finger over her lips, she biting it gently, “Back in.” I couldn’t slam into her, never, never! So I was swift as she dug into my shoulder. 

“Pen, oh my God…”

I lost count over the night of in and out times, maybe a good few but humans got tired. I wondered if humans like her closed up if they were tired, for I’d opened her as much as I could sometimes almost forgetting careful in my frenzy to please, worse than the one to feed. But even those moments her pleasurable cries even outweighed a gasp that made me draw back. I’d actually babbled apologies to her but she had silenced me. “Pennywise hurt his Claire Bear.”

“No,” she said assuring me, her hand resting on my shoulder while one brought my face to her, “Just slower Pen. You’re stronger than me.”

“Yes,” I said now out almost afraid (as it were) to enter her again at least for the night. The lamps in the room were still on. I reached over and turned off the lamps, bringing Clara close, “That’s enough for the first night,” I said, “You are perfect, Claire Bear. Pennywise knew you would be.”

“Did you know that was going to happen when we met?”

“Yes, but I could never conceive of the idea until this awakening. You were so little when I met you such thoughts are seemingly immoral for even me.” I kissed her but now knowing what we could do the little girl was a distant memory the only thing remaining was her arms around my neck and the image of a pink coat, floating like none of the others deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... what'd you think? Lemme know!


	9. Shields

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! Hope you guys keep enjoying this story and why not drop by a kudos or comment?

Chapter 9- November 1, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

The next morning I woke up alone, almost like my sojourn to Derry had been some trance or dream. The sun shone through my window as I stood up, the feeling of Pen in me still easily recalled. I noticed on getting up there was a single drop of blood on the sheets, minute to the eye but still there nonetheless. Stripping the bed I put the sheets in my hamper before heading to my Keurig.

Pen stood in the kitchen, the morning sun creating a halo around him and making his human form’s brown hair shine. He came over and bowed his head to kiss me, “One drop of blood, just one. But other than that, all seemingly went better than I expected.” I found myself thinking back to the Twilight books Mom liked for some reason and the fourth one where Edward feared killing Bella if they had sex while she was a human. Oh God, it was like a cross between a brilliant Stephen King story and a second-rate teenage romance book lonely moms still read, I couldn’t help but smile, 

“I’m good,” I said moving to start my coffee, “The Deadlights would probably kill me faster than that ever would.” that got a smirk out of him. “I meant to tell you last night but never did. I’m infertile, which means I can’t have children, Pen.”

“God I love you,” he said a kiss on my lips, “You were meant for me.”

“By the way, did you ever hear about those clown sightings? Maybe not since you awoke two days ago,” I said as the smell of coffee filled the air. “Some of them were here in the city.”

“Did you see one?”

“No, but Allie swears she did. She was walking down Fifth Avenue in broad daylight and there was one on the corner,” I explained, “Freaked her out.” I took my mug and took a sip of my coffee, liking it straight. “Weird right?”

They don’t know real fear,” he said offhandedly brushing the pretenders to his occupation aside, “I do. And it’s unlike anything they think inciting fear is.” I came over to sit across from him, our eyes locking. My phone dinged with a text from Mom: call me. Shit. I held up my hand to pause the conversation so I could talk to my mom. 

“Hey,” I said as Pen stood up and walked to the cabinet where I stored all my alcohol but wine. He held up the Grey Goose handle and motioned to it. I nodded at him, allowing him whatever he wanted to excuse my poor hostess skills. “Sorry I had to leave so suddenly. Allie called me and she said there wasn’t any way she could handle things without me.”

“Oh honey, it’s no big deal. But I do wish we had more than a day with you,” she said as I took a sip of my coffee. I hated lying but there was no way I was about to tell the truth that sounded like a better lie than my simple fib. Pen raised his glass and drank. I cheered him and took a sip of my coffee. “Your dad and I just don’t see you often.”

“I know, I know. Really. I miss you guys. You should come to the city, get away from Derry.”

“We’ll plan on it. Love you hon.”

“Love you too. Sorry for the short trip,” I blew a kiss into the phone and hung up. Pen raised his eyebrows. “No comment,” I said, “But actually Allie did need me this week but like Thursday. I just hate Derry.”

“As any sensible person would,” he drank to that. “So since Allina doesn’t need you to fulfill your human responsibilities I believe I deserve a tour of your city, no?” He smirked and I nodded.

“Sure. We’ll be tourists, go to Fifth Avenue and the Empire State Building and all those famous places,” I said, “I’m going to shower and put my sheets in the dryer first though. I need a human minute.”

“Well, I’ll be here,” he said, I smiled and headed to the bathroom attached to my room. Starting the shower, the warmth of the water felt fantastic on my skin that wasn’t quite cold but not quite warm. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw Pen before me, beautiful as he was. “Storm blew me to you, Claire Bear,” he said kissing me.

“Funny, because it’s sunny out,” I said, lowering his head to my level. Both of us stood in the shower exposed to the other but my trust in Pen was insurmountable. I smirked at him as I put shampoo in my hair and he watched mesmerized, standing at my shoulder. 

“Pennywise hurt Claire Bear,” he said kissing my shoulder, “Went too deep. Afraid now.” I hoped in my mind he could tell how wrong he was because no uttering of it could convince him. “Careful,” he said kissing me, “Pennywise loves Claire Bear too much to cause her pain.” His kiss was gentle but after that he let me wash my hair and body. “Beautiful, Claire Bear.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Pen. I’m just small,” I said. He smiled. “I guess it takes practice. You were my first other species to do that with. I love you, Pen. I trust you.” That struck something with him and there was a genuine one. He let me do my thing without question and as I got myself out of the shower I thought to put my sheets in the washer, Tide my first defense against that stain. Dressing quickly in a long-sleeved dress I let him stare at me but I didn’t care, his eyes were fun to look at anyway. “Hey, do you know when I bled actually? I’m curious.”

“When I came into you, Claire Bear.”

“Yeah, that can happen,” I assured him, “Happened once before but that was when a human and I did that,” I spoke frankly like he was some child that didn’t deserve to be talked down to about sensitive things. I scooped up my sheets and threw them in the washer, him behind me. I wondered if he was dwelling on who that ‘human’ or ‘humans’ were that I’d had sex with but my sexual history with humans at least was irrelevant.

“I’m so sorry Clara.”


	10. To Love a Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL, ALMOST 300 HITS IN 1 WEEK OH MY GOD!
> 
> Again, so much thanks for all the support it's so encouraging for me to see even though I stumbled into this fandom accidentally (I hate scary movies like seriously but IT is so fun to play around with). Anyway, enjoy and drop some feedback by maybe!

Chapter 10- November 1, 2016  
Pennywise

Around this New York City, she had much to show me. Walking around with my arm around her shoulders as the wind blew on us, the spirit of Halloween had died in favor of fall things like scarecrows. I imagine we looked quite the pair: her as beautiful as anything I’d seen and I the Norse god as she called me. 

“So I figured we’d hit the Empire State Building, Fifth, and maybe the Statue of Liberty,” she said. Walking through this magnificent hub she held my hand in public, unafraid of what anyone thought. But if they stared they stared in astonishment at the picture of us: Clara so tiny I could break her and me imposing daring anyone to cross me. 

“They stare at you,’ I told her, “Pennywise can hear their minds. They think you’re beautiful.”

“Or maybe they’ve read my stuff in the Times,” she supplied but I knew that was not it. With her trademark short hair and confidence, she embodied the flapper even wearing modern clothes. In her stride, there was confidence and humility even while in her heart she carried a love for a monster like I was. I kept my eyes on the streets, eager to see if the passing of Halloween had seen the pandemic of so-called clowns die. The Deadlights I was would send them into panic-induced catatonia and that was something I personally wished to happen, craved exposing them to real fear.

Clara led me down one of the famous streets she said, calling it Fifth. Apparently, the shopping was a big thing here for many. She ducked us into a shop that sold coffee, a picture of Americana if there was such a thing. The ice in her drink shuffled around as we continued exploring, my eyes open for imposters. “Looking for clowns?”

“If you could call them such,” I said putting my arm behind her back, “But in all fairness could you really call me that as well?” She laughed almost silently and took a sip of her drink. “They must not know the legends of the monster in Derry.”

“You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who has heard of Derry here,” she said, “The only things about Maine New Yorkers know are Portland and the Stephen King novels set there.”

“Stephen King novels,” I repeated, vaguely familiar with the name. “The New Yorkers must not be keen on true horror stories, then.” She smiled and I stopped us, bringing her face up in my hand those eyes killing me. I could hear her blood pump if I stood silent enough, a human thing my human form did not do. She kissed the hand that held her cheek, still unafraid of me but affection shining. Her lips felt better than the feeling of ripping Richie Tozier throat to shreds as his fear and panic devoured him. “You are mine, my human.”

“Always, Pen,” she replied. Always. How was I ever going to balance the passion I felt for this woman? I had nearly killed her last night not on intention but in doing the most primal human thing. And I wanted to do that to her an innumerable amount of times but with her restricted by the rules of her species I couldn’t figure out how to treat her safely. “I love you.” Nothing equated to that and her meaning the words. I had almost killed my human last night and she still felt this for me. 

“You can’t possibly love a monster,” I said, “But I do love you.”

“Come on,” she said taking my hand as I let my other drop, “We can head to see the Empire State Building.”

She seemed to take such enjoyment in showing me her escape from that shithole she was the best thing to ever happen to. Walking with me she held my hand with confidence that enthralled me even though she knew what I was. Getting lunch with her I almost felt like her: normal, but she floated above even me. “Your city suits you,” I said.

“It’s definitely not Derry,” she said, “Really different, right?” she asked taking a bite of her pasta salad. Here only adults ate as the children were safe from me in school for the time. After we concluded our tour I planned on returning to the hunt. 

“Quite better.”

“Yeah, Mom said that I sure could make a drastic change when she moved me into my dorm freshman year. Most of my friends but Sophie left and thank god.” Still, as we walked I kept my eyes open for the clowns she claimed were around. It made me wonder why they would surface now as there wasn’t any popular source material that proclaimed clowns evil to my knowledge. These New Yorkers I found fascinating. “New York’s certainly an interesting place.”


	11. We'll Figure it Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The support for this is so incredible to see and I know I say that every time but honestly WOW. Y'all are wonderful! Keep it up and maybe drop by some feedback if you could!

Chapter 11- November 1, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

That night while Pen was out I talked to Allie on the phone, wanting to know if my schedule still stood. Allie was a chill sort of boss who had actually become a close girlfriend of mine in the years we’d been working together. She was engaged to a guy named Gustave who was from Croatia I think. Allie and I would often grab a glass of wine after work. I talked to Allie while putting on my sheets again, hoping I wouldn’t have to wash them again tomorrow. 

I was laying on the couch with a glass of wine finishing up the last episode of the first season of Hemlock Grove when Pen returned, in human form dressed in a navy coat and white shirt and pants, the symbolic purity of the color polluted on him but you’d never guess. Hitting pause on the show I got up the say hello. He came in and kissed me, the blood still fresh on his lips but anyone who saw him could easily mistake it for wine. His head bent to reach mine he was that much taller than I was. “Hey.”

“God, I love coming home to you: seeing you live a human life,” he said, raising my chin in his hand, “And as much of a monster I am, you stay.”

“You’re alright I guess,” I said smirking. He rolled those blue eyes that were so inhumanly human, “Oh and I had some leftovers from last night so consider your human fed.”

“You can take care of yourself,” a smirk was in his voice.

“Yeah it must be the city living,” I laughed sipping at the wine in my hand, “I can feed myself and even put sheets on my bed. It’s amazing, right?” A smirk similar to his played on my lips. The blood on his was wiped off and there was only soft skin now. I said, “Fix anything you want. My bottle of wine’s on the counter if you want some.” I sat back on the couch, my long shirt over my knees.

“Rose,” he laughed, “A typical woman but so atypical. Pennywise will try not to hurt his human tonight,” he said pouring a vodka straight before coming to sit with me. “Slow and careful for Clara.”

“Right,” I said, “Turtle slow,” this got a laugh from him.

“Turtles are far inferior to us both.”

After our drinks (a few of them anyway) it grew later in the night but I was awake as ever. Pen indulged me by watching the show with me and loving laughing at some of the ridiculous tropes, “At least it’s entertaining,” I said.

“And this is horror? Supposed to make humans afraid?”

“Fear is subjective,” I said, “You of all people would know that, right? Personally, this stuff isn’t scary to me but maybe to some it is just like the idea of a clown standing on your street corner holding an ax.”

“I have never employed the use of an ax,” he said, “You could be a very bad influence on me, my Daae. So desensitized to me, in love with a monster, you let a monster take you, and you stay. But you show Pennywise love,” he leaned in and the soft lips tasted like cotton candy but with an aftertaste of rust and salt mixed together. “Pennywise must not hurt his Claire Bear, or lose her.”

“You won’t Pen.”

He took me on his lap and hit pause as the episode ended. My fingers traced the defined lines of those cheeks that made him look so foreign and intriguing. His hand held me while the other ran over my legs softly tracing his pathway. I was obviously the only one breathing but I bet I breathed erratically for both of us. A kiss on my neck, “Careful,” he said as his fingers found me, pulsating. The touch was gentle but overwhelming because of the general circumstances but maybe it’d always be like that. I gripped tightly at Pen’s shirt, moaning already for him that made his movements slow almost torturously. “So warm,” he said. “My extraordinary little thing.”

“Pen.”

“Shhh,” he soothed, “Let go, Claire Bear. Let me play with your form,” the words were soft as his free hand. The hand inside me moved on this wall, then that one. Friction, force, and sensitivity blended so well I was reduced to slumping into his shoulder lightly moaning. “Softer,” he’d said to himself after I’d grunted, the force too much right after he had sent me falling to him. His fingers immediately changed course, staying away from my swollen core but an occasional brush would happen. My hand lifted to his hair. “Pennywise’s beautiful human.”

I let this go on until he had almost rubbed me sore, not from force but from some kind of exhaustion that tricked my mind. “Pen, stop.” It was like he was under mind control when I spoke my words because there was no hesitation, he yielded. “You can’t go there right away and with that pressure,” I said, “Remember slow and soft.”

“Pennywise hurt his Claire Vear,” his smoldering eyes couldn’t look at me. It was literally like teaching a child right from wrong but there was already learning going on. 

“It’s alright, Pen,” I said, “We just have to figure it out.”


	12. Circus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! 370 hits! What a gift (my 23rd birthday was Tuesday!) Sorry this is a bit late, life got in the way but as always enjoy and keep up the feedback!

Chapter 12- November 2, 2016  
Pennywise

Clara decided to be a good human who worked and she went into the office of her paper. I made her coffee from the machine that was easy to figure out. She was dressed in black pants and a white shirt that exposed her shoulders, the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen she was. “You have my number in your phone?”

“Yes.”

Last night on my hunt I had acquired one of those devices Clara had that was like a phone but could do much more so I might have contact with her. “Okay,” she said as she slung her purse on her shoulder, “There’s TV and the computer and the concierge service can call you a cab if you want to go somewhere,” she said.

“I’ll be alright here,” I replied, standing to see her off. Our height difference clear but she was not imposed by the stature of my human form. I kissed her lips before she gave me a lasting smile and shut the door, leaving me to myself. I pulled out the phone device and searched for nearby circuses. Perhaps these clowns rooted there and needed to be instructed in real fear. The first that came up was one called Big Apple Circus, the headquarters not far. I summoned a cab to take me.

On the ride, I sent a message to Clara: Visiting a circus

You do you. Let me know how it goes and if you see any creepy clowns, send a picture. Remember, don’t be an idiot. I smirked, the text’s delivery could easily be conjured in her tone. A simple appearance of the deadlights I was made the driver not an issue and I anticipated the same with these humans. In the favored form of Pennywise, I blended in well with performers who didn’t seem for much a show today at least. 

Humans’ idea of the circus was by far a strange one with fantastical feats but frauds rampant. I found the ringmaster quite easily considering he was a human who others knew was in the position of authority, looking into their minds confirmed it. “Which clown are you?” he asked, seeing me.

“Skippy,” I said thinking of an innocent-sounding name, “And Skippy says it’s time to float.” The others nearby were not subtle in watching the strange encounter and I, to my delight, found some imposters with chalky faces and red noses but they’d learn to float soon. “This is Skippy’s circus now.”

I opened the mouth of this form, the lights' power deep inside and crawling to the surface. The so-called ringmaster could barely stand it for long, eyes rolling and body lifting into the air in weightlessness. The others within relatively close distance mimicked their authority figure their bodies rising as their consciousness slipped away from them yet their eyes stared openly at nothing. Those unaffected due to distance could scream, but they were of no concern humans such an inferior species as a whole. “This circus is mine,” I said to those paralyzed by my sweet life force emotion, “I am your new ringmaster lest you wish to join our floating friends. Now, when does the greatest show on Earth start? Because I have my motivations and I’d need it to begin quite soon. You see, I need to feed and I need it desperately but none of you will do. So I’d suggest we restore this and open sooner rather than later. Now, who wants to secure me a cab to the Times building?”

One of them squeaked up an, “I will.”

“Good,” I said shifting into my human form not caring if any of them saw, no one would believe them anyway. My influence on the adult mind was still thriving here, perhaps stronger since these New Yorkers were self-absorbed for the majority of them.


	13. Human Interactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> OVER 400 HITS OMG I CAN'T THANK Y'ALL ENOUGH! Keep reading and definitely let me know how you like the story if you can. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 13- November 2, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

“Yeah girl, let’s do it,” I said as Allie stood in my office. She’d come in to talk about a collab idea for the next week’s column talking about the best fall time places to eat or places that had a fun fall event that included food since we were now officially in the Thanksgiving mode. “Let’s see about getting tickets to one of City Winery’s tastings.”

“I’ll get on it. What are your plans for the weekend?” she asked, pulling out her phone, “I think I’m free unless an old friend who’s in town texts me back about getting together.”

“Keep me updated and we’ll figure something,” I said.

“Perfect. I will, girl.”

After she left I was looking up dates of the tastings to see when the next one was and look at ticket prices and what was included so I could take note. I wrote down the dates on my notepad when a cool wind enveloped me, starting in my heart and going to my face. “Can I help you?” I said, knowing Pen would find that amusing.

“Pennywise has bought you a circus,” he said, and turning I almost expected the clown of my childhood but in his place was the Norse god of my womanhood holding me on his lap in the chair with him. “Circuses are quite easy to control. Humans here have the scent of fear mastered even adults of all things.” He placed a kiss on my neck, “Human blood has such interesting circulation patterns.”

“Well, your blood doesn’t circulate. But so you visited a circus?”

“Such a loose term.”

“You mean, you bought yourself a circus? Circuses are cool but I’m sure I know your motives by now. But, look at you participating in the hyper capitalist culture of New York,” I golf clapped for him. His eyes rolled.

He looked at my computer screen, “You humans certainly have the concept of alcohol right. Wine tastings. Allina’s suggestion seems like a good one.”

“You can come if you want,” I said, “Allie won’t care I bet. You need human socialization,” I said sending him a smirk slightly turning my head but remaining focused on the computer screen. “That doesn’t involve marching into a place declaring you own in while in clown face.”

“Buying a circus does not count? I met the human ringmaster and some others but they float.”

“Yeah, normal humans don’t float in catatonic states, just a pro tip.”

“I must not have met any of these normal humans, save for you then,” he concluded, playing along. “Your work seems like a monotonous place, reading the human minds shows it. Although Allina’s is buzzing.”

“Well you know, most of America works jobs like this in offices.”

“Yes, believe it or not, I had heard that. Life in a sewer system in a small town hell exposed me to at least that concept,”

“Well, you’re a long way from Derry now,” I said, “Here if people know where it is they should win an award.” He smirked. “So, are you going to hang here? I’ve got work to do but I can see about getting off early, I don’t think Allie will care. Don’t you need to finalize things with these circus people and I mean that in the sense of hiding the floating bodies?”

Perhaps your business mind could be of assistance,” he said, “Or rather your human common sense.”

“That’s definitely an advantage I have over you.”

I convinced him to go do his thing (or secondary thing now?) while I finished up some of the work I had to do. Allie, in fact, didn’t care that I left early. I’d sent her links to the City Winery tasting dates and ticket information. Grabbing my stuff and heading out I was met outside by Pen, his imposing presence made passerby not dare steal a glance at him in his black suit looking more Christian Grey-esque than E. L. James’ wildest fantasies. “Hey,” I said.

“I want to show you my circus,” he said, “My little human playthings that will attract my meals need to see what the queen of their kind looks like,” he held out his hand and I took it to walk down Fifth feeling like some celebrity or something as we headed towards his playhouse that would become his eatery.


	14. Unique Power

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again and wow 480 hits I'm seriously shook y'all. As always so much appreciation to everyone supporting this! As always, enjoy!

Chapter 14- November 2, 2016  
Pennywise 

“Who even are you?” one of the fakers of what I was asked me as I slipped through the tent attached to the building. I had Clara behind me a pace in case more of these idiot adult humans needed to float like seeing their colleagues in that state didn’t make them yield to their fear. Clara stared this human down the power of those brown eyes must get to others beside me. 

“I’m every nightmare you’ve ever had, so I suggest things go smoothly here,” I said evenly, “All I want is complete autonomy over this institution.” All the human had to do was look around and see his floating colleagues to understand I meant every word. The former ring master floating the highest, directly over Clara’s head.

“Of course, Mr….”

“Godfrey. Penn Godfrey,” I said not reaching to shake hands like I’d seen many humans do. “Now, are there files your ring master kept to establish ownership?”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t know where in his office…”

“Find them,” I ordered, “Bring them to me.” Again not caring much about y human plaything I transformed into my clown form before him, his reaction worth the price of any circus admission ticket. “We understand each other,” I said with a smile and a raise of my hand he disappeared faster than I assumed a human could. I turned to Clara, “Your kind are skittish. The adult fear is much more complex, a delicacy.” 

“I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not,” she shrugged as I came back to my human form with the significant height advantage. Her amygdala lay silent in her brain, fear above tormenting her. “But I’ll take it as a compliment, Mr. Godfrey,” a sly smile reached her eyes as I waited on this dimwit human to hand me the ownership of my domain. 

They’re right, those shirts because New York I loved you. 

My human plaything secured the papers for me which would be easily dealt with. I left him and the speechless others with their fear sinking into my system like some tease. My hand in Clara’s the world seemed more my oyster than it ever had in Derry. The food supply was endless more so here and now with my little fragile Queen what was the need to rest for so long? “Tonight we shall feast, or you shall,” I told her.

“And toast the Godfrey circus.”

“Humans, such an easily manipulated race I always knew, the most of them,” yet here I was with her eyes capable enough to overpower me and the absolute need to protect and preserve the asset she had over me until the time was right to make her float above all humans and achieve their long-desired goal of immunity to death. But not now, no, she was so powerful a human and I had not really understood the power of 30. 

Returning to our small home she put on some music through a speaker she had. Pouring wine she handed me a glass. “A toast,” she said, “To humans, I guess, or the deadlights. Take your pick.”

“A toast to the superior human,” I said drinking to her, the existence and the health and the gift of her inability to produce a replica of a monster like me.

October 31, 1989

It was late and I could tell my little human girl Claire Bear was getting tired and cold, the wet raincoat making her shiver. Even though I was still technically a stranger in her mind there was no inkling I would hurt her, and what’s worse was god damn me for considering it when I first saw her. “Are you cold, Clara?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll get something warmer for you to wear.”

“Why did mommy and daddy lose me, Mr. Penny?” she asked me, “I didn’t run away.”

“Sometimes people get lost,” I said, “But I know balloons cheer them up,” I said making a red one appear the string in her hand which got a smile out of her, the little human teeth uneven but not sharp like mine. “Balloons are your favorite?”

“Yeah! And cotton candy! What circus are you from?”

“It’s called Shrine circus,” I said knowing the name of the only circus in Maine, “There are lots of animals and shows to see with clowns like me or other people. And good food,” I said the double entendre lost on her but so there for me. “Do you have older siblings who’ve been to the circus?”

“Just me, Mommy, and Daddy,” she said, “And Skip, our puppy. He’s the sweetest just like you, Mr. Penny.” Throwing her little arms around me I could almost see the future in her mind; this little girl becoming a powerful woman in the years time, one who would free me with her power that humanity lacked.


	15. Fight / Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously wow over 500 hits! I know I keep saying it but wow. Thanks to everyone who has hit on this, given kudos, bookmarked it and commented! Feedback makes me smile.

Chapter 15- November 2, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan 

I made some sangria while Pen was out on his hunt, the New York sun starting to set but it wouldn’t be dark for some time. Sophie and I had been swapping texts since the Halloween party and she’d called really quickly just to catch up further since we hadn’t really had time at the party. Soph was honestly a sweetheart and she’d be a great mom I thought, her only thing was she didn’t see the point in leaving Derry when it was the number one priority for 98 percent of our graduating class of 2003. But I guess I couldn’t pass much judgment but I’d rather be living a BoHo existence in New York than stuck in Derry, I know our other girlfriends from high school like Hallie didn’t understand Soph’s position at all but I at least could try. “So good catching up with you, chickadee,” Soph said.

“You too. It’s honestly been so long. Maybe after the baby arrives you can come to the city, you’d love the vibe.”

“Oh, that’d be fun! I’ve always wanted to visit.”

“You should.”

Fixing myself a sangria from the pitcher I went to sit on my couch to turn on the second season of Hemlock Grove, the teen drama strangely addictive. I heard the door open and Pen walked through, me standing to meet him. Again with the blood still fresh on his lips I tasted the liquid iron and rust and saltiness melded together. “All my humans don’t have a pulse calm like yours,” he said, “Fear quickens it,” he picked me up carefully with my neck an inch from his lips but nothing came of it.

“It’s called the fight or flight response,” I said relying on my limited knowledge from that one biology class I took at NYU freshman year, “It makes your heart rate go way up if you’re a human anyway. I guess brains send messages to tell you that and a human body would react that way. Like, when I was little I wasn’t afraid of much but I think every human has fears. I once watched The Shining as a kid and I was pretty scared. Also, not going to lie the tales about the legendary Losers Club of ‘89 freaked me out as a kid, kids would tell them at school.”

“Their fear was what sustained me before I found you,” he said. Trying to be sweet? Maybe. He was a weirdo but so was I, so no judgment. 

“I was never afraid of you, Pen. I love you, remember?”

“Yes, although you loving me makes as much sense as a boy willingly placing his hand in the sewer,” he said with a dark laugh but not an unsettling one. Carrying me over to the counter he sat me on it and I poured him a sangria. “A toast,” he said, “To floating above all others.” I cheered that and took a sip. 

“So, I wonder what the profits of a circus owner look like,” I said, “Like it’s got to be somewhat lucrative right? Maybe I can write up about the circus.”

“If you would, the business and customer attraction would increase significantly,” he said, “Perhaps after your food recommendations for fall there could be an activity portion. I’m interested to see what food this endeavor brings,” the typical Pen smile crossed his lips, unable to hide what he was but again did I run although any sensible person would? No. Kudos are going out to those more sensible people, seriously. I took a sip of my drink. He kissed me with the sangria mixing with the blood, making him taste especially sweet. His kisses were gentle like he knew the strength difference between us. “I do love my Claire Bear,” he said against my lips, “She has always challenged me.”

He brought me to the couch and hit play on Netflix, setting me down gently. “Here, watch your show and let Pennywise take care of his not-so-little human,” the devious smile on his lips had a gentle quality to it that only I might ever see but that made it amazing since my presence with him forced him to reconstruct his ideas of humanity. 

“Okay,” I said.


	16. Stronger (What Almost Kills You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late but here it is! Anyway, can't believe 600 plus hits, y'all are amazing. Remember to keep giving a kudos if you're liking it or hey why not comment?

Chapter 16-November 2, 2016  
Pennywise

The moment you arrived, the sun was in your eyes.

“Pen, no,” she said and I felt like a reprimanded child. God damn me! I could not figure this out. My need to please her was the most consuming hunger, burning my throat every second, so I couldn’t think. She brought me up, I, a servant to a human god damn me! But a human I loved so much more than anything I’d ever assumed I’d loved. I stopped immediately sensing the urgency. I really could kill her! Trying to love her in a familiar way!

“I’m so sorry Claire Bear. Pennywise doesn’t understand how strong he is,” I wasn’t going to lie to her. I had never lied to her, she was the only human who could accept all my truths and stare a fear of me in the face and turn the very concept on itself. She had already bled her drop like her body knew I wasn’t human and could warn her of the dangers.I’d cleaned the blood before she had to worry with it, her blood the sweetest of any adult down my throat just a taste of her. “I love you so much.”

“You can go back in, Pen, but slow as you can think of.”

So breakable but yet she was anything but. She led me, knowing what she could handle and what she couldn’t. That I guessed was the courage I had seen as a weakness in me and so overpowering had those Losers discovered the simple secret I might not be here to share this foreign experience of true and un-debateable love with my human, one that floated the highest while being the epitome of one grounded firmly. I almost moved like the snail that disgraced his species with such slowness even they would outcast him from their tribe. I searched through her feelings and my god there was a spark of something! Not preservation! She enjoyed me!

Her hand brought my face to hers, our eyes locking like the most intensely intimate portion of this whole act. “Pennywise.”

“I’ve discovered it, Claire Bear, Gentle makes you sing and makes Pennywise less concerned,” I still didn’t want to call that spade a spade and name the emotion as outright fear but we both knew it was. I kissed those lips as she enclosed, moving for me since my want to move in her too consuming and I couldn’t be certain where that’d put us. I had so much passion for this woman, god.

Picking her up once she had tired out I carried her to the sink to clean any further blood off her so she might not stain those sheets. A kiss and I shifted to the clown to reflect the innocence of the situation: me just taking care of my Claire Bear like the years had not passed. “Let me,” I bopped her nose and the laugh was familiar. “A balloon will make things all well,” I said, a red one appearing for her as I found a hand towel and wet it, warm. 

“Just like when I first met you, you gave me a balloon to cheer me up. I had that balloon until it popped. It lasted for months,” the memory was recalled with such fondness, “My mom was so confused. I had it tied to my bed.”

“Maya Stellan was never one that struck me as imaginative even as a child,” I said, “As adults, its predictable but at least I’d expect Derry children to have some sort of creative mind, much like you.” 

“I got lucky, I guess.”

“You certainly did, my Daae.”

Cleaning her, she laughed, “Tickles.”

“I’ve come to understand now just how sensitive you are physically,” I told her, the blue eyes I retained in this form looking at her as I watched carefully the movement of my gloved hand, the claws had no place near her. My hands were gentle because if I could kill her easily in human form I had no idea my power in this form. 

“But it makes you have to think about it,” she said, “It’s not as fun when it’s mindless, trust me.” She flashed a smile and I found myself wanting to find any man that had her before I had returned to her life. Unworthy human pieces of shit!

“We have plenty of time to think through many things.”

“It seems like it.”


	17. Reckless Responsibilities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So why has no one ever (I hope at least) thought of taking the concepts of It and the Greatest Showman and mashing them? Well, hopefully I'll be the first! Come one, come all to the Godfrey Circus opening in NYC in the fall!

Chapter 17- November 3, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

Score: Clara -2, Almost dying - 0. And if I was to die like that, so be it. 

This morning before work I had run down to the Starbucks across the street from the apartment where the head barista Lexie knew my order and we’d chat. Lexie was working her way through grad school at NYU and she was newly engaged to her long-term boyfriend. “The usual, girlfriend?” she asked.

“You know me so well.” What? The white chocolate mocha was too good to abandon. She smiled as if I didn’t even have to say anything to confirm. 

“Hey, how was your trip? Weren’t you going to see your parents in Portland or something last weekend?”

“Derry,” I corrected handing her my card, “But yeah, it was fun. Ran into some old friends who still live there. It’s always great to see my parents especially since they’ll never consider moving away from Derry, they love the vibe for some reason,” she handed me my card and I slid it back into my wallet before moving to the bar. 

“It’s always good to go home. I don’t get to see my parents and siblings in Syracuse until Thanksgiving. Hey meant to ask, you posted a picture of some guy I’d never seen. Who is he, if you’ll tell me?” Lexie and I often liked each other's Instagram posts so we were very up-to-date on things like school, job, and love lives.

“That’s an old friend of mine,” I said. Was it a lie? No. “Penn Godfrey, he actually just moved here from Derry to start a business,” All true, mind you. The part I left out was the obvious yeah, he’s actually not human but from another dimension thing or the even better yeah he eats kids thing. “He and I caught up while I was home and hit it off again.”

“You guys together then?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Wow, okay. There we go. “I’ll bring him by one day so you can approve,” I said. Lexie laughed.

“You better, honey.”

Getting to my office at the Times building I put down my coffee and the apple fritter I’d picked up for breakfast before logging on to my desktop Mac. Looking through our latest paper I stumbled on a bit that read: Andy Scott, ringmaster of Big Apple Circus reported missing as of 12:30 A.M. on November 3. NYPD have no leads yet. Scott’s Big Apple Circus is set for a 20th Anniversary season to open in September this year but plans to postpone or cancel have not been addressed as of yet. I thought back to those scary stories in middle school of the kids who went missing without a trace in Derry and how we had a town curfew even when no one seemed to vanish, a party killer in high school when we’d sneak outside the town limits to shotgun beers and seek a getaway. “Allie,” I said into our work phones that also were hardwired as intercoms, “Is there any more info about Andy Scott?”

“The circus guy? I think only that story,” she said, “Maybe call the NYPD and ask? Or who wrote the blurb?”

“Roger did. I’ll ask him.”

“God, can you imagine? His family’s probably losing it.”

“Yeah, God love them, right? Also, I’ll have the itinerary for City Winery sent your way today. Thanks, girl.”

“You’re the best. Keep me posted on that Scott story.”

I knew where Andy Scott was, his body floating in midair in the circus tent not far from here. I whipped out my phone to send a text: Hey. So they know Scott’s missing. Could trace that to you if you don’t figure something.

Ding. No. This is Derry on the finest steroids there are. Who else would know to slip that story to your paper? Devious. I picked up the phone and dialed, “Did you?”

“Did I, Miss Stellan?”

“Okay, yeah you did. But I’d advise if they come looking for him at the circus you move those floating bodies if at all possible.”

“Oh I assure you, they’re so safe you could almost say they’re in a bomb shelter,” he said coolly. “I can send one of the still conscious ones to order a taxi for you if you’re curious. How mad would that make Allina?”

“Let me at least finish this itinerary for the City Winery thing I have to write up for my notes,” I said knowing I did need to do that to start my article before Allie and I actually went to the thing. I always liked to do some research before going to any event I was planning on writing up. “Give me a responsible human hour and then I can be reckless.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also if you could, send in some feedback. I'm a huge lurker on stories so I rarely do (I know, I know) but if you're enjoying or have something to say don't hesitate! Or drop by a kudo or bookmark the story. It'd be super helpful!


	18. You'll Float (Higher)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 1000 hits! Keep it up, guys!
> 
> And seriously if you could, a quick kudo/bookmark or a comment would mean the world!

Chapter 18- November 3, 2016  
Pennywise

A cab pulled up to the building attached to the circus tent where my weak human toys floated, their fear encased in my veins like a drug. Clara stepped out of the car, the red dress she wore and the white boots invoking the image of clown antics but the aura around her shielded her from the emotion I fed off of. Of course, she wasn’t going to be present for Andy Scott’s death but now she ran the show and hadn’t said a word yet.

“Thanks,” she said to the cabbie. The sweetest human soul!

“Of course, Miss,” he said and drove away.

“Hey,” she said, letting me get the door of her car for her and taking her hand, “Sorry I had to get that shit in to Allie,” I raised her head to my level in my hands, those human eyes the most powerful weapon any human had possessed over me. 

“The queen returns to her domain,” I said.

“If you’re going to kill Andy Scott you better do it before the NYPD can get here to look for him. He’s been missing for some time so they’re bound to head this way and might check the sewers for some weird reason.” Damn, she understood my methods.

“He will be dead soon, but for now let’s let him float,” I said lifting my hand to lift her an inch in the air, her white boots not touching the ground, “My, you used to love when Pennywise floated you like this,” I could feel the three-year-old arms around me, begging to keep her safe from the rain. I’m not afraid, Mr. Penny! You’re so silly and fun. Love you. The love of the only child not repulsed would seal her bind to me. The woman in her place laughed.

“I loved you, Pen. Puppy love then, but still love,” she pointed out, “Now I love you so much I’m willing to let you almost kill me for two nights in a row,” she sent a smirky smile to me. I put her down and she looked directly at Andy Scott, floating in the air with his mouth wide open, the fear frozen in expression. I followed her eyes.

“He dies tonight. Later in the hunt. And they’ll have closure, they’ll find him. They never found them in Derry. This is a step forward in my game.”

“In Derry, they never looked,” she said, “Only the kids really talked about it. Only the kids really do, keep the stories alive to scare each other while in the parking lots late at night or after playing Bloody Mary in the bathroom at night,” she said, “Sophie used to get so scared by the stories. I used to tell them,” she smirked.

“You are the mate of the Monster of Derry,” I said, “You could remember seeing the bodies of those Losers in the sewers floating. ‘Why do they float, Mr. Penny?’ you asked me when you saw Denbrough floating above your head. ‘Can I float too?’ You asked me and I told you no, your destiny was better. You’re meant to be a queen of the Macroverse,” I said. I could search through her mind to her memories of attending the circus in Maine the summer of 1994. She’d been eight and had looked for me and hadn’t found me until four days ago, in human form. She had returned to accept her destiny, knowing it was the best life for her. 

“That’s all fine and good and sweet but let’s be real,” Clara redirected me, “You did think that Scott has a family right? What are you going to do to them? Let them believe Scott’s dead or kill them too?”

“Which would you prefer?” I asked, “They might make fine puppets after death, put them on strings. You never saw Georgie Denbrough reanimated by my magic but the incited fear was worth making those puppets an act.” She should have run at that, any sensible human with a functioning amygdala would. But Clara Stellan’s was not functioning properly. Her amygdala shunned fear and told her she loved a monster who used corpses like puppets.

And yet I couldn’t conceive of a brain that worked better than hers.


	19. Broken Curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 800 hits in less than a month I am stunned!
> 
> As always, keep reading and hey maybe drop by some feedback! Kudo, or comment with thoughts/questions/whatever! I'd seriously appreciate it!

Chapter 19- November 3, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

The sewers of New York had less light I felt like the ones in Derry did. Holding the flashlight on my phone to see what was in front of me, my hand not holding onto it slung to secure me to Pen in clown form as he waded through the water. It felt like stepping into a real time machine but the only thing missing was the little girl in her pink raincoat. “This is where they’ll float,” he said, “The humans won’t look here until it’s too late.”

“So, you completely plan on making New York into Halloweentown?” I knew he might not get the reference since he wasn’t awake in 1998 when the movie came out but I had no other way to put the idea. He didn’t know the reference but nonetheless it got a clown laugh out of him, one that had never scared me but I know had scared many in Derry.

“Eternal Halloween? Eternal feeding on the fear of these New Yorkers,” he said as he waded us through with my phone light to light the sewers up. My face was so close to the side of his that the constant smell of cotton candy was surrounding me. “Little Claire Bear can still ride on Pennywise’s back with such ease,” could he reach into my memories? Because I was just remembering how it felt to be so small and the idea of feeling so safe with this monster who had every reason to kill me but never did worse than bop my nose. 

“They’ll all float here,” I said looking around the darkness that was partially illuminated to see the new home of those Pen took from their normal lives. 

“They float so we might float highest.”

 

November 1989

I was playing outside my house one day not long after being brought back by Mr. Penny. Our house was located by a sewer but not the one from a few days ago but I wanted to see if he could play with me since I missed him! “Beep beep Claire Bear,” I heard and turned around, there he was so much taller than me in his faded suit. “Pennywise missed you,” he said kissing my forehead.

“I missed you too! We’re best friends,” I told him looking at those blue eyes and the red painted smile lines. I wondered if anybody was ever scared of him because I never was but I missed him a lot. “So glad to see you again.” I reached my arms up to let him pick me up, my arms wrapping around him and my legs too. Mr. Penny carried me to where the sewer looked bigger now but I knew he’d never be bad to me. He might give me a red balloon!

“I’m going away soon, Claire Bear,” he told me. I understood what that was and I wanted to cry because I’d miss him. “But I’ll be back when you’re older,” he said as if comforting my only fear of him, fear my friend would never come back. 

“Please don’t go away, Mr. Penny,” I said hugging him, the cotton candy smell of him my favorite, “I have no one else to play with and you are fun to play with.”

“When I’m back when you’re older you can play with me again. Forever,” he said and I looked at all his floating friends. He caught my gaze, “Not like them,” he told me, “They didn’t like me like you.”

“After that time, never go away anymore,” I said, hugging him. Being older seemed so far away and I couldn’t even comprehend being older than maybe four. 

“When the time comes and we meet again, if you remember me I’ll never sleep again.” That made me so happy because maybe when I was older we could live in Derry as friends!

“I’ll remember. I promise.”

 

November 3, 2016

I couldn’t help think about the last time I saw Pen at age three as he took me through the sewers he planned to send his meals to as he claimed his crown over New York. The cotton candy smell and the soft feeling of the fabric of the worn looking Victorian era suit brought back the memory in full force. Looking at the smile lines painted on his face up to his eyes that shone blue I felt innocent again. “Pennywise’s Claire Bear could almost be three again,” he said, “Carrying you like this.”

“Feels like it,” I said, wondering if the image of Derry’s sewers replaced what he was seeing like it did me. “I remember going to the circus when I was eight and there was a clown there. I remember how disappointed I was when it wasn’t you. Bubbles the Clown, he was,” I said.

“Clara loves Pennywise. Waited for me, broke the aged curse,’ he said as he waded through, the light guiding.

“You sure like saying it,” I said.


	20. I Won't Let You Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL I FINALLY WATCHED IT! And I loved it oh my god.
> 
> Anyway, I'm so humbled by all the support this story is getting as I'm navigating through the Stephen King universe so please keep it up! Bookmark, send a kudo, or comment! I'd love to hear from y'all!

Chapter 20- November 3, 2016  
Pennywise

Returning to Clara’s desired human form as we emerged from the sewers unnoticed in this busy metropolis I observed just how different this city was. No one cared that I walked among them, having some of their own in my clutches below where they walked. And I didn’t even have a hand in the fact. Walking with her hand in my own was so innocent, no one knew I almost killed her. Even the gentlest movements could leave her swollen and the blood I cleaned, that I would clean for the rest of her humanity. 

Pen, stop. Swollen.

Softer, Pen. The blood she let me clean straight from her.

No fear. She lived. But in my favorite form, she’d surely die. The deadlights on her little sensitivities, wishing to implant. The teeth that could cut her so deeply she’d bleed to death in minutes. She’d be a corpse and I would be damned. 

As the streets of New York went by under our feet she talked to Allina on her phone about the alcohol tasting event they were interested in that certainly had my own interest piqued. “You’re coming to this City Winery thing even if I’m working,” she said, I was willing to yield. “Allie might bring Gustave.”

“Of course,” I agreed, “Surely the food will be as adequate as the drink,” I said evenly which got a smirk from those lips. I could lift this woman onto my shoulders like the bear of a child having won the grand prize. Those brown eyes flashed on me and it made me want to take her back to the sewers to avoid the city’s eyes as I loved her but I kept my desires in check, walking along like a man of flesh. 

Getting to our sweet home of quaint young energy Clara turned on her Netflix service, “I’m feeling more Hemlock Grove,” she said turning it on and laying on the couch, “Help yourself to anything, Pen.” Her little body was perfect for the couch and it was unworthy of her but she didn’t know this. “I was thinking we could do dinner somewhere after you get back.”

“I’d very much like that,” I said as I went into the alcohol cabinet she had to pull out the whiskey and pouring a glass. “Have you heard much from your mother since that one call?” I asked curiously, wondering if Maya Stellan was the level of absent as Sonia Kaspbrak without the hypochondriac tendencies.

“No. Mom’s probably doing her thing with the book club she’s in and her neighborhood friends,” Clara didn’t seem bothered by the fact at all. Perhaps she had raised herself and was used to not hearing from her parents as often as what I thought normal children did. It gave a layer of depth to Clara’s outwardly chill but mysterious personality and explained a portion of her strength. “Sometimes we don’t touch base for weeks but not because of any malice, it’s literally just the dynamic,” she said turning on the episode I came to sit on the couch, her feet resting in my lap her toes painted red like the balloons she loved. 

“Derry’s absent adult population must be as high as the disappearance rate in that case,” I said.

“Honestly though. Although my friend Sophie who stayed in Derry is close to her parents and sisters so I guess there are exceptions.”

“Not to the rule that Derry is misery,” I pointed out, broodingly.

“Agree. Drink to that,” she said as her eyes turned towards the screen to watch the show. Her feet curled in my lap and I drank. She got up after a few moments, “Give me like two minutes and I’ll be back.” I let her go do whatever she needed to be done but I was quite curious. I hadn’t heard her phone ring. I took a sip of my drink, my eyes on the open bedroom door following the direction she’d gone. She appeared minutes later, nothing had changed.

I, however, knew that if there was any change my human form couldn’t detect it so I shifted to my favorite form to detect the change. And I could almost immediately. “You’re bleeding,” I said. I couldn’t see it but it was obvious. Had she been hurt when I hadn’t seen it?

“Yeah, it’s no big deal,” she replied like this happened often, “It happens, Pen.”

“How does it stop?”

“It just runs out I guess,” she said offhandedly as if unprepared to explain, “Like there’s no more until the next month.”

“This happens every month to you, Claire Bear?”

“Give or take until I’m around 40, so yeah for now. Really Pen, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“And you’re used to it?” Outwardly she seemed like her usual self but I wondered why she could. She clearly knew this was happening but it apparently wasn’t a momentous thing like I assumed other human bleeding to be, thinking of the blood loss Georgie Denbrough suffered at the loss of his arm. “Is there anything I can do?” I asked, shifting back wondering what might help her.

“Actually if you could, in one of the drawers near the dishwasher there’s Advil so can you get me one?” she asked sitting on the couch. I did as she asked and had her take it. She lay in my arms as she watched her ridiculous show but it seemed to help her although she didn’t worry about this as much as I did. Humans could only lose so much blood before death and I’d be damned if this killed her. “Thanks, Penny,” she said, almost for an instant I could see the little girl in the raincoat in her place before realizing that while the little girl was here, she was in the form of the woman not fazed by possibly bleeding to her death. 

“I won’t let you die,” I said. I couldn’t.


	21. To Help Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Here's the next chapter!
> 
> If you're liking it, let me know with a kudos or a comment or bookmark the story so you know when I update!

Chapter 21- November 3, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

Three, apparently not thirty.

That night after dinner ordered to the apartment Pen put me in one of my large t-shirts he found in my drawers after I insisted I could absolutely do it myself. “Pen,” I said laughing but he remained stoically serious in spite of bopping my nose gently. He brought me on my tiptoes for a kiss that still had him lower his head to reach me. “I’m alright.”

“You’re weaker from losing blood,” he said like he thought periods were like a child’s arm being ripped off but it was almost too adorable to protest, he was like the child here not me. He was afraid of losing me, desperately afraid. “Let me help you tonight.”

“Okay.”

“Tonight you need to rest,” he said, “These past few nights have been exhaustive enough for you. I’ve nearly killed you,” I was lifted in a very human way, not levitating unnaturally like the people in sewers, his victims. “You’re already losing blood. Tonight you shouldn’t be put through that trauma. After a few times in and out you swell and bleed, Clara. I’m already rougher with you than I should be.” He had a point. “And that is merely in your own form. In my favorite form, you’d die.”

“Yeah, that’s a no from me,” I said laughing.

“The Deadlights would attempt to implant in you as a host for creation and when they found you unsuitable they’d kill you,” I could almost feel his grip on my body tighten but not in a suffocating way. His possessiveness was really interesting considering he was something of a monster to others but had never been to me and he was just starting to understand that. “I won’t let that happen. I won’t let you die.”

Putting me in my own queen sized bed like I was little again, he joined me with a red balloon he tied to one of the posts on the brass bed frame. 

His human form was all warmth. The gold covers of my bed paled in comparison in the secure feeling when he was right next to me. “Who knew you could be sweet?” I asked playing around.

“Only you,” he replied almost seriously, his lips coming to mine, “All others are prone to give into their fear and their meat is far too salted to resist at that point. Take those circus playthings, for example, the ones not floating are so deliciously afraid that they become my little bitches almost immediately. Did you catch the name of that main human I interact with?”

“No, he never mentioned it. You’re talking about the one that you made get the papers?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll ask next time I see him,” I said knowing he wouldn’t because he didn’t even care that much. “Aren’t they starting rehearsals soon since you said you wanted it opening soon?” I knew circuses were pretty much summer or fall events so I figured they’d have to hurry to fit into that fall slot even though this circus wouldn’t be anything like an innocent one. 

“I told that human that I wanted a showcase next week and then we operate year round for obvious reasons that he could never understand,” he said, “Perhaps we’ll go see the show. The last circus you were at was so long ago, and now you won’t have to face disappointment since Pennywise will be there,” he stroked through my short hair, his fingers gentle and loving, only reserved for me.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you at an actual circus, Pen,” the thought was funny to me since he was obviously the furthest thing from a fun clown you’d meet as a child at a circus who would make animals out of balloons. I kissed him and his lips moved ever so gently on mine shifting me above him, his arms around me and my hands in his hair. He felt so warm. 

“Not tonight,” he said not exactly to me but to himself but the words were spoken into my skin with a cotton candy scent on it from him, “Already losing blood. Pennywise could damage her. Maybe the blood of those Losers could have helped her.”

“I love you, Pennywise.”

“You belong to Pennywise, Claire Bear,” he said, his fingers digging into my back gently his blue eyes looking into mine, after breaking us apart he settled me into his form like I fit perfectly and it  
was always supposed to be my place. “Sleep now,” he said, cotton candy smell surrounding me like a security blanket. 

I did.


	22. It's Here Right in Front of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 1,000 hits! I'm in shock.
> 
> Please keep up the great feedback, bookmarking/commenting/or giving a kudos! Enjoy ringmaster human Pennywise!

Chapter 22- November 12, 2016  
Pennywise

Ladies and gents, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

The night of the showcase was like a second Halloween: Clara dressed in a printed and old-fashioned cream dress but red on her lips and black on her eyes, flesh-colored tights and boots. I invoked the spirit of Phineas Barnum in my vintage ringmaster suit and red hat. “It’s everything you ever want, it’s everything you ever need, and it’s here right in front of you,” I sang to myself, “This is where you want to be.”

I summoned us a cab to the building with the tent put up next to it. Walking inside with Clara it was like I had never seen a circus as it was intended. Fire lit the tent in candles, dancing. Performers stood on ropes, with rings in their hands, and balloons were being blown up. The popcorn from the machine in the corner consumed the scent of the tent. “He pulled it off,” she said, “Not going to lie, I’m surprised.”

“He knew not to cross me after surviving the Deadlights because of his placement,” I said, “I can’t imagine the psychological effects heightened by the fact no one would believe him. I’m surprised Allina and her Gustave are not here.”

“She said she might show. I think she has an old friend in town this weekend so she may not be here,” she said, “But I invited her.”

“To witness a spectacle of modern fantastical feats and acts beyond human imagination.”

“This is the greatest show,” Clara said.

This was the greatest feast.

The meat here would be salted in the finest spectacle of fear. Shifting form to better fit in for now I turned to Clara and bopped her nose, “Now you’re at a circus where you won’t be disappointed because Pennywise is here, Bubbles the Clown must not have impressed you,” I said and she smiled. “Bubbles the Clown couldn’t make Claire Bear float,” a wave of my hand sent her in the air, her legs tucked behind her like she was in mid-jump. Her hands reached out as she felt the weightlessness until I brought her into my grasp. “This is all for us,” I told her, “Look at what it will become Claire Bear, our livelihood. Yours, and the monster of Derry’s.” She touched the line painted on my right cheek. I laughed in a way trying to fright her out of fun but she was never afraid, kissing me.

“You don’t scare me, Pen,” there was such absolute. I hugged her to me, “Nothing you do ever has and you were terrified of scaring me at 3.”

“I was.”

“Although I’ve never seen you dance before in my life.”

“Then you will see my infamous routine, but I must feed,” I put her on her feet, “Go enjoy a drink and I’ll be back,” a kiss on her forehead and my human went to live her normal existence that she was so used to but it was my arms that ached in her absence, a hunger worse than that for the boy I’d set my sights on here.

Sneaking away with him to feed was too easy as I could feel the influence I had on the adult minds of New York, stronger than I could ever imagine in Derry. Returning to Clara once the child floated was the most relieving thing, my human so beautiful and no one could even match her with a drink in her hand standing talking to some human. “Beep beep Claire Bear,” I said, my lips at her neck but I made sure my teeth were not. She laughed but when she turned I shifted form to the human form she wanted every night. The other human left. 

“So you’re a human now,” she joked, “I like it.”

“It’s the form less dangerous for you,” I said as she took a sip of her drink, “How do these humans find the showcase?” There was a tightrope walker performing now and I could see the mesmerized faces of my human playthings. Clara followed my gaze.

“I like it,” she said knowing she was the only seal of approval I wanted. “Cheers to you, Mr. Godfrey,” she lifted her glass and drank. “The people here seem impressed too.”

“I told that human I wanted things open fully in no more than two weeks.”

“Not unreasonable if you pulled this off,” she said, “I mean if you want this thing doing let’s say five shows a week your performers will be working really hard to get your food,” those brown eyes gave me a mischievous look as she took a sip of her drink as those eyes cast their spell on the tightrope walker above. “But what’s impossible at Godfrey’s Greatest Show? I’d think nothing since the ring master himself is a shapeshifting entity.”

“And the Queen is an impenetrable human by any human who floats below her,” I said drinking from my own glass to her health. “Now, about that routine, Miss Stellan.”


	23. Fragile Little Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late, life has been so busy lately! Anyway, hope you like! Send in kudos or comments to let me know how this chapter is!

Chapter 23- November 12, 2016  
Clara Belle Stellan

Pen tied a red balloon was tied onto my hand not holding my drink. In the form of the clown he was massive, making 6’4’ look maybe a foot taller than it did on a human. The tightrope act had ended and on the speaker there was a voice that said, “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll cheer, you’ll die! Introducing Pennywise the Dancing Clown!” I looked and Pen was no longer beside me but on the stage, lit with orange lights.

The physicality he possessed in this form was nothing less than impressive, as his faux dance he must use on his prey had him stomping on the stage but in a way it looked like he was doing leg lifts. I made my way to the center of the crowd that parted for me easily like they were under his spell. And then he jumped off the stage and he summoned me, taking my feet under his control as he floated me, manipulating my body like it was his. My eyes closed as I could hear him talking as if he were right next to me. Relax, Claire Bear, Pennywise wouldn’t let anything happen to you.

My arms wrapped around his neck. “There, my Claire Bear,” he said, his cotton candy smell surrounding me, “You have seen my dance.” His deeply red painted red lips pressed gently to my neck, his teeth nowhere near my arteries. My arms tightened around him. 

“I’m impressed,” I said, “I give it a 10/10.” I hadn’t seen everyone stop to watch Pen’s theatrics with me like he was the main act of the circus, which maybe he was. I wondered if anyone noticed the temporary absence of ringmaster Pen Godfrey. But no one did. 

“You float unlike any other, meant to be with Pennywise,” he said, my heart pounding against the beige color of the Victorian clown suit with the red buttons on it which he felt and made the smile lines painted on his face turn up making him look so innocent like a child. He, keeping his theatrics about him, bowed to the crowd curling my body in his arms. My fingers could reach to the floor but I never slipped from his grasp with him cradling me, my trust in him never wavering.

Back on my feet, I walked over to the drink stand, getting another cocktail. Turning around with my drink, there was the Norse god of a human behind me in his vintage ringmaster outfit. “This is Clara Stellan. The rest of her drinks are on the house,” he said. The woman nodded like this was a well-known fact.

“Of course, Mr. Godfrey.”

“Thanks,” I said to both of them. To Pen, I said, “I’m digging this dark Barnum vibe you’ve got going on. You’re the dream of every former emo kid ever, well those you didn’t eat. But then again, emo was more 2000s than 80s anyway.”

“Well, your approval is the only one I’m seeking. But the response to tonight indicates this could be a very lucrative year round endeavor. New York’s opportunities seem endless, why anyone would live anywhere else bewilders me. And the food supply is richer and plentiful, fear runs through all here.” I raised my glass to that and sent a Snapchat to Allie of my drink. Now there was a juggler onstage and I could hear balloons being blown up and fashioned into animals. The kids were all around, screaming they wanted one too. “The earlier reference to Barnum you brought up was very fitting,” Pen said, “Considering I took his form for his last two years after killing him.” So goddam nonchalant he was about it that it wasn’t shocking. 

“That’s one I’ve never heard from any of my human boy toys,” I said drinking to that but somehow I could see him taking possession of a fresh corpse, dressed in 19th century clothes. “Humans for sure don’t do that.”

“And with that, why don’t we leave my humans to run the show?” he bowed his hand to me and I took it in my free hand, he leading me out of the circus tent to the starry and glittering New York night full of honking horns and chatter. Hailing a cab he had me in first as if showing his infinite age by resurrecting chivalry from its grave like Lazerus. As the city sped by I looked on the lights I was amazed that this city was about to crown her king and queen. 

Getting back to our place I unlocked the door and headed for the tequila to make myself a drink. Turning on the next Hemlock Grove episode I plopped down on the couch to watch, taking off my shoes. Pen didn’t join me but instead knelt at my feet, placing kisses on them so soft that it was almost like whispers. “Gentle,” he said to himself softly as my eyes never left the screen. An astonishing kiss was placed right into me, so delicate it almost felt like nothing had happened at all. Another. Another. 

“Pen.”

“It’s all right,” he actually soothed me, kisses after every word were placed on me and I could feel the pulses I responded with as this interdimensional being who looked like a Norse god took me. Kisses became gentle licks of the only love he’d ever felt in his eternity and that drove me insane with thoughts of him, the alcohol in my blood making this high all the better. “Pennywise knows how delicate his human is,” he laughed as if he didn’t acknowledge that he at least looked like a human now. 

He came to sit me on his lap so I could control where he went but I found myself even while drunk paranoid I’d bleed on him. Reading my mind either with his powers or simple context clues he again was gentle, the side of him only I saw. “You’ve let Pennywise clean your blood before. Do not worry with it. Your human body knows I’m not what you are,” he giggled in the manner of the clown, “And warns you from being with me. Cannot say I’m offended.”

“Stop Pen,” my words weren’t urgent but warning him against trying to make me run even feebly. I’d accepted my fate that night of the party, or even before swearing to not forget him, crying as a child as I got a last glimpse of my best little friend the rest of my town called a monster. His motions ceased, thinking I was hurt until he understood my plea was for him to know I had always been his. Maybe that Macroverse or wherever he came from had created me too in a way because I didn’t know anyone else alive or dead not afraid or repulsed by him. “I love you.”

“Oh my little Claire Bear,” he said, sliding in to meet me gently but at the familiar gush of blood I gripped onto his shoulder, “Pennywise loves only you, forever.” The statement had all the sweetness of cotton candy as did his resolve in it, so much so his first movement struck my swollenness too forcefully. 

“Soft Pen.”

“Damn me,” he said but my hands were in his hair still needing him, “My fragile little human. I can’t ever lose control with you.”


	24. Don't Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Super sorry about the delay but life has been insanely busy on my end! Anyway here's the (long awaited maybe) next chapter! As always enjoy and send feedback if you can!

Chapter 24- Flashback November, 1989  
Pennywise

“Mr. Penny, please don’t go away,” it was raining again and I had Claire Bear with me safe from the downpour in the Neibolt abandoned house that connected to the sewers where those Losers still floated, their parents blissfully unaware of their deaths. Clara had been dressed in a beige colored dress, her arms around me smelling like children’s shampoo or something, her raincoat over my shoulders. “I love you, Mr. Penny. You my bestest friend forever.”

The old house creaked around us as I walked, the human child in my arms like a trophy I did not deserve and had not won properly yet. She wasn’t afraid, but more interested in following her routine of an apparent nap at this time and being with her best friend. “You will play with Pennywise again soon,” I said, “He is meant to be your best friend forever and ever.”

“Yes Mr. Penny, but please don’t go away like the floaties!” she had seen the Losers floating in the sewer but had not connected the dots as to why her innocent love more hunger-inducing than the flesh of a child. “I sleep with you! I take naps.”

“Not like these, Claire Bear,” my teeth not near her head as my lips carefully kissed it, “But Pennywise knows we will be friends forever when I return.”

“Forever and ever?”

“Forever and ever, Claire Bear.”

 

November 12-13, 2016

God damn me!

The bruises on her were always this bad after I’d had her like she knew humans did, but she’d always fall into hypnotic sleep and not feel the bruises that made a home inside of her before I healed them. Mine not theirs. She was so fragile laying on the table in the kitchen area with her legs splayed downward limply, the only place I could put her without risking blood on her sheets, her human form warning her not to be with me but her heart ignoring it and loving a monster. Blood and bruises wanting her to be someone else’s but she was mine.

Healing her, I retained my human form since the claws beneath the white gloves of Pennywise would only fester the injuries she sustained and remembered but went night after night to me, unafraid and seeking adoration I gave to her but could never figure out our differences even being as gentle as I could as a human which was better than killing her gently as the clown. The human was human in its purest corrupted form but as any child would testify the clown was certainly not human, it could never be.

This bleeding stopped easily unlike the week of it she’d had last week that she endured so normally. The bruises were more difficult to deal with since they were inside of her. Her inner flesh screamed in irritation. My lips licked her delicately as if not to wake her but I was afraid the pain of the bruises might deceive her mind as pleasurable but they never did although she did call for me. “Pen.”

“Don’t move,” I said to her, “You’re bruised. I can heal you,” my words drifted her deeper into sleep but she still wasn’t completely asleep just yet. Her semi-conscious state left her more vulnerable to my power of suggestion. I could trick her mind, wiping the notion of the pain away, “It won’t hurt.”

“Pen.”

Still no fear, but exhaustion consumed her brain. “I’m so sorry,” words I never thought I’d speak to any human but here I was at her mercy, this human with her short hair and her brown eyes hidden beneath her closed lids. “It will be alright. I love you so much, Claire Bear.”

“I love you, Pennywise.” God damn it I loved this human. How could a race as insignificant as humans create her? Surely her ability to love me was not of this dimension, perhaps of mine. Whoever had decided to torture me in waiting for her was quite the cruel humorist in when she was mine I could kill her so easily.

Finally, the bruises had healed with the power of my lips on her and I could put her in one of her long shirts and to bed. I had not checked the time, but the city was still bustling with activity even as this extraordinary woman almost died yet again and the city did not pay the attention they should have. Damn them all! Putting her into our bed I covered her with the blankets, her head against my bare human chest. “You float higher than anyone, Clara Belle,” I said into the neck of this goddess who loved me no matter what I was but I couldn’t help but hurt until she was as immortal as Pennywise. A most beautiful goddess of the Macroverse, to rival Gan before he admitted her superiority. Persephone.

She slept soundly until there was light in the windows of our room, the sunlight naturally reserving all its attention for her, the worthy one. With her waking each morning knowing she’d almost been killed the night before her energy to enjoy life was amplified as she understood the significance of a day. I had tied a red balloon to her hand that rested on me, twisted into the shape of her childhood dog Skip who had passed many years ago but she still thought of fondly. 

“Pen?” Her brown eyes that one day might no longer be the brown of a human opened and still on this day she wanted the monster, the terror of Derry and now New York! I fed on what she was when I met her and she was the only one who could never run. I was subservient to her for the rest of my life.

“Come,” I said, rising from the bed and offering my hand to her, “You should enjoy making death fear you with a cup of coffee.”

“Sounds like a plan,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, happy year anniversary of the lovely IT movie!


End file.
